Save the Women!


Of Western women and Saudi men

Posted in Islam,relations with Saudi men,Saudi Arabia,women by Save the Women! on December 12, 2009

There is a constant stream of sad stories on the net by sad disillusioned women and girls being unceremoniously dumped by their Saudi boyfriends. They cannot understand what has happened, what did they do wrong?
If on the other hand the Saudi marries the western woman disillusionment usually comes when they get off the plane in Saudi Arabia. ANd there are also many women who tell of their horrible fate in Saudi Arabia
Why is this?
Now I have been talking this over with my husband who is quite unusual for a Saudi and has a very independent mind.
You see it is not impossible to have a succesful relationship with a Saudi man, but you need the right man for this. You need a very strong man, who will stand up for you, and they are very rare.
There are some lovely Saudi men around, but to become marriage material they need to possess several rare qualities, I will list them in a future post.

There is one major cultural problem: Saudi men carry a cultural burden so heavy, Foreigners cannot conceive this. Also: Saudi men act very differently abroad as when they are at home. As a result Western women and Saudi men have some very unusual and difficult hurdles to cross in case they plan a future together.

  1. the concept of honesty
  2. The culture of the façade
  3. The Family
  4. Culture, the proper behaviour/place of men and women: what to expect
  5. Saudi men abroad and at home
  6. Women’s rights in Saudi Arabia
  7. Getting permission for marriage in Saudi Arabia
  8. The children
  9. Religion

There is so much to say on each subject that I will cut it down in portions and will post them one after the other.
I do want to warn every foreign woman who is contemplating getting involved with a Saudi man to read and remember these points.

The following blogs contain very good posts on the subject. Not only the posts are good, it is also very enlightening to read the comments and personal experiences of other women.

Susie of Arabia

Saudi Alchemist

American Bedu

American Bedu 2

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16 Responses to 'Of Western women and Saudi men'

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  1. An entire volume of books can be written from your list! And I agree, there are also very special Saudi men whether they marry a Saudi or non-Saudi who can understand a woman’s feelings and communicate so well! Great post!

    • aerinndis said,

      American Bedu, greetings and peace. I adore your blog, and admire your commitment to it!
      I am planning to write entire posts, but it is difficult to keep it short and bloggy.
      My own husband is I think unusual due to issues which happened to him. It made him a very unique Saudi. He is not indoctrinated with The Family but very independent. He is very Saudi though in caring deeply about his family especially the women.
      I keep thinking that this Family-, and in a greater scope Tribal-thing is not the most repressive thing about Saudi Arabia. But then I think about religion and I think religion is the worst.

      I really believe foreign women have no concept about how much religion is ingrained in every part of life! And I do not think Saudi Religion is a very nice or loving form of religion.
      You made me think and I am adding another point to the list! 😉

      I think communicating and blogging is a great way to grow more knowlegable and think more.

  2. Justpassing by said,

    Hi,

    It seems to me that the sole purpose of this blog is bashing religions, esp. Islam. Regardless, I think anyone should know by now – especially one married to a Saudi!- that the Saudi version of Islam is a mixture of harsh Wahabi/Salafi rules with ALOT of customes and traditions.

    And to say that the Tribal thing is not the worst ?!! Seriously !!

    Anyway, to each his own.. Good Luck !

  3. aerinndis said,

    @ Just passing by, Don’t blame me for the many injustices inflicted in the name of Islam.

    A the wife of an enlightened saudi I know very well that Saudi Arabia is steeped in dark age customs and culture, but as they themselves declare it as Islam you cannot keep Islam out of it.

    I’m not sure what is the worst, depends on the situation too. It is all very bad, that I am sure about!

  4. Murtadha said,

    unfortunately I had to delete my post (The first step into the unknown) because the woman who gave me the permission to share her story in my blog, sent me an email with a request to take the post off. It is all about her personal experience and maybe she felt that exposing her story would make her feel guilty or something.
    Anyway, thank you for sharing my blog here. I really appreciate it.


  5. […] look at the points from my former post one by […]

  6. aerinndis said,

    Murtadha, I love your blog. I am sorry you had to remove the post because it was such a very typical account of what happens when a western woman gets involved with a Saudi. Also the comments were very interesting.
    But you are right to accede to such a request of course. I think it’s very important use discretion on the internet.

    I am sorry to write a series on the importance of staying clear of Saudi men when I know there are some very worthwhile Saudis around. Like you 🙂
    But the deck is stacked in such a huge disadvantage towards the western women. The game is so very unfair, and so many Saudi men take such selfish advantage of it!
    I am so sick of reading the heart cries and pain, again and again and again, of women who truly and honestly loved a Saudi man only to be dumped or maltreated, left with a child, or doomed to a horrible life-sentence in Saudi that I really think it’s neseccary to put the facts online.

    I have all the more respect for those Saudi men who do think, are honest, and really care about other people.

  7. UmMuhammad said,

    your blog is interesting. I was trying to view a profile of you to try to get your take on things. Correct me if Im wrong and please do fill in the blanks.

    You are not a Muslim married to a Muslim?
    Living in Saudi?
    Where are you from?
    Is that you and him in the pics?
    Do u wear hijab, but u not Muslim?
    He looks alot older than you, is that so

    • aerinndis said,

      UmMohammed, salaam, I am trying to keep a low profile!
      We have a home in Jeddah and another one abroad.
      I am from Scandinavia.
      No it’s not us in the pics, I don’t want a lot of my personal information on the internet. I want to be absolutely free and rant whenever it is my fancy.

      I wear whatever is appropriate. Jeddah gives more freedoms in what you wear depending on where u are. If you go to resorts u can uncover. If u go to malls u can wear a head scarf and keep ur face open.

  8. Aafke said,

    I think it’s high time somebody writes a ”Guide towards (not) dating a Saudi guy” of course if one is not out for a lasting, meaningful relationship I’d say go right ahead.
    But I agree, read enough blogs about KSA and the number of women being decieved or having their future destroyed by Saudi blokes seems endless. So, well done!

  9. 2 Cents said,

    I have a serious question : if you think Saudi guys are so horrible , how come you are married to one ?

    I mean no offense by this , nor I care so much for Saudis in general, but I find it sooo weired that some one who is allegedly happily married to a Saudi would take this trouble in warning others NOT to follow her leads !

    I know I know , you would say that your hubby is one of his kind , but I don’t think any man (or woman for that matter) is unique !

    • aerinndis said,

      2 Cents, Greetings, You ask a valid question.
      I met my husband in a Western coutry. We fell in love and got married. And we are happily married. I realise now I am lucky my husband turned out the way he is.
      I had no idea how bad Saudi was until I got here. My husband is very understanding of what saudi means to a woman. He very supportive and very careful of my needs. And yes, that makes him quite unique. The chances of findng another saudi like him are very small.

      But there are too many western women who end up in very bad situations to ignore. A bad situation for a woman in saudi means a very unhappy and hopeless one. In the end the percentage of western women who are really happy here is very small. They do exist, but they are very few.

      I want to make sure others walk into relationships with saudi men with good knowledge.

      Because you cannot leave your future and your happiness and that of your children to luck.

  10. Justpassing by said,

    I respect your attempt in keeping a low profile , but I have one question and feel free to not answer it if you think it’s no one’s business :

    Is your husband an atheist ? and does he belong to a tribe ?

    I certainly think that’s not anybodies business but mine.

  11. Yamila said,

    I like your post so much and it seems u are from Saudi…so i have a very important question: i got married to a Saudi student here in Germany, he didnt get any government permission for our marriage but i have contact with his government so i know for sure they know he is married, his family knows at least thats what he tells me but the weird thing is that i have never talked to his mother because she is either sleeping, busy or there are many people in the house, after reading this information i am very worried, i know for sure he has not been married before because he got a paper from his government were it says he was not married in order to get married here in Germany….his dad didnt want us to get married but finally he agreed because of the fact that i been a muslim since long time ago. Do u think there is something he is hiding from me????? I will really like to hear your opinion!!! Masalam…


    • Dear Yamila, I find your story very worrying. I find it very strange that you ahve not spoken to his mother while his father knows?
      There is something wrong here very much.
      Do you ahve a marriage contract? Did you marry for the law as well? A muslim marriage alone is not to be advised in any case. Very bad for women.
      If not, why not ask your husband if he is willing to marry you for the law in Germany?
      That is a good test. And it will give you some rights.
      Did he give you mahr?
      Can you read the marriage contract? Are you sure it is proper marriage and not misyaar or mutah?
      This has happened to other girls, they were given a marriage contract they could not read and it turned out to be a mutah marriage.
      Ofcourse with a proper Islamic marriage he can divorce you when finished with studies at a moments notice.

      You must talk to his mother and sisters. I do not believe your marriage is honest if you do not. What you tell me sounds like very bad excuses.
      I wish you had insisted on this before marrying.
      try to get legal marriage as well if you do not have it.
      Make sure you do not get pregnant yet.
      Inch’a’allah you will resolve your problems


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