Save the Women!

The saudi boyfriend

Posted in Islam,politics,relations with Saudi men,religion,Saudi Arabia,women by Save the Women! on January 19, 2011

So many girls and young women are deeply disappointed when in a relationship with a saudi student or young man.
why is that so?
To tell you the truth, many saudi students just want to fuck girls and then go home to marry a proper saudi (virgin) girl. Virginity really is only put on women. They often have no serious plans but they are clever enough to keep that secret. They may be are swept off their feet as well. But truth is, they are seldom if ever honest about the relationship or future.

Again and again and again and again I get mails or meet or hear from foreign women who have been duped, lied to or abandoned by saudi men. Always saudi men.

So if you want nothing but a bit of fun, and have no plans for a future together whatsoever: yes. Date a saudi man.
if you do want to have a future you should think very carefully and be very strong. You should be ready to give up the relationship if he turns out to be a lost cause.

Things to think of when thinking of dating a saudi man.

* Women in saudi arabia have no rights. basically they are slaves. nothing, no single small decision can be made by a woman herself unless the man who has ownership over her allows it. There are no laws which protect women. Judges will almost always rule in favor of the man unless you have huge bribe money to pay to the judge
(btw you cannot go to court as a woman, the man who owns you has to do it for you)
*Women in saudi arabia are slaves. there is no other way of putting it.
* Saudi students can already be married or engaged. they will not tell you so, nor will their friends or family
* You cannot marry while he is on a scholarship. he will be send home asap if he is discovered
* To travel to saudi arabia as man and wife you will need government approval. you will not be eligeble for approval unless 35 years or older. It takes 5 years minimum, most people never get approval. You will need a lot of money for bribes and ”wasta” influence.
* the way he treats you now will not be the way he treats you when home
* if you have sex with him now he will probably secretly despise you and will not see you as marriage material
* Saudi students are allowed by a fatwa from Bin Baz to marry a foreign woman for pleasure and halal sex. to divorce her when they go home. This does and has happened.
* saudi men have mostly been brought up to consider women as weak and less capable than men. They have probably never talked to girls or women, they do not know how to interact with women. they deep in their heart have been brought up to despise women.
* Most , really most, people in the middle east consider western women to be sluts and whores. I am sorry but that is the truth. They do not cover, they can have sex with men: ergo: they are whores. Middle eastern people will never tell you so to your face but that is how they talk amongst each other.
* he can have secret extra wives, it is quite rare but it has happened to foreign wives as well as saudi wives. nobody will tell you.

All saudi student know they cannot marry while studying abroad. they all know they cannot get permission until 35 and even then probably not.
If they tell you they did not know they are lying to you.
Saudis are very private, keep all their own affairs secret. They are very good liars: the idea is: if you don’t know it doesn’t hurt you so it doesn’t matter.

All saudis are very heavily indoctrinated with a very harsh and unbending interpretation of Islam. They will forget that while abroad but they will remember when back home. Also, the look is more important than the truth in saudi arabia. you can do anything forbidden. If nobody knows it: it does not matter.

So how do you know you are on safe ground?
You will always miss out on a very important safety net: your family is not saudi, is not living in saudi, so you or  they cannot verify if he is speaking the truth or even allready married. Even middle eastern girls and their families have problems finding these things out.

there are some points in favor:

* He will be very protective of you. he will not introduce you to males. He will never show your photo to males. So no males, either family or best friends.
* He will tell his mother aunts and sisters fairly soon and tell them to stop looking for a bride as he has met somebody
* he will ask his mother and sisters to talk to you and meet you
* he will have told you when things became more serious about the impossibillity to marry or get goverment permission
* he is not bedouin, does not come from Riyad or another conservative area
* he will not want you to live in saudi arabia
he will be working to be able to live in another country with you
considering the marriage restrictions and impossibillity of government permission this will be the only option anyway
* he will not want to have sex before marriage
* he will stand strong and without compromise against all of his family against all the pressure they can throw at you.
And believe me: they will!

If he fails on these points: cut off relationships!
have respect and love for yourself. Keep yourself safe.

Ask him how his female family members live in saudi arabia. have they traveled abroad? studied abroad? do they have cars and drivers? do they work? This is important because it is an indication if he and his family give women freedoms. Freedoms for women have to be given by men because woman have no rights in saudi arabia. Women are until death always under ownership by a man who is all powerful to make decisions for her.
Ofcourse you will not know for sure if he is truthful to you.

In the end I can only say to be very aware. It is fact that different rules and options apply to a saudi man to any other man you may meet!
The culture and religion in saudi is so extreme, and so unfavorable for women it compares to nothing else. and it makes saudis behave like no other people in some ways.
Of course they are people like everybody else. But the culture and religion -they are one and the same- how they are brought up and taught, make saudi men in the end different from other men.
Before you want to jeopordise your heart and future in the case of a saudi man you will need to be extra careful, keep your distance, and realise there is very little chance of a happy future, much less chance than with men from other cultures and religions.
And that is the real fact.
Don’t have sex with a saudi student unless you see it as a fling only.


34 Responses to 'The saudi boyfriend'

Subscribe to comments with RSS or TrackBack to 'The saudi boyfriend'.

  1. Alina said,


  2. Alina said,

    If i can email you to ask you something in privite can you plz tell me your email?
    Thank you

    • I have send you email.
      I am sorry I have been travelling
      I do regularly and do not visit my blog

      • ece said,

        hello,i wanna ask some questions.Is it possible by private message?

  3. Naufal Al Sharif said,

    I think it dating in Islam is forbidden, just see Sura Al Isra verse 32 and Al Furqan verse 68. Because dating is also zina and it is forbidden in the Islamic Law, Prophet Muhammad never teach us to date and he never date, he married first. The punishment of zina is a lesson for the Islamic peoples who see the punishment like stoning or flogging

  4. Americangyrl said,

    This is 100% accurate. Please listen!

  5. Matt said,

    So,what are you saying is that the only guys in the world who play around with girls and just want to fuck them are the Saudi? but American, European Asian guys are so pure and nice with girls,they don’t cheat on them ..etc.

    You’r just a racist.How do you judge all Saudi just because one of them Fucked you then went back home?

    • I am married to an exceptional Saudi man. My hsband reads all my posts and helps me. He tells me what Arab men say to each other and what their lokks on life and woman are.
      Many men cheat on women. but saudi men to be honest and fair to women is so very rare that yes, they ahve to be singled out.
      Also this is where cultures clash. Western girls consider dating a first step to marriage. Being intimate means to a lot of girls a commitment as serious as marriage. but to saudi men it’s just easy to get laid over there. And to get laid they do not scruple to tell any lie whioch serves.

      Also, Saudi is unique in that one of it’s most respected religious scholars actively encouraged saudi emn to get married while studying in the west so they can have halal sex. And when going back divorce the wife.
      This is why I want to warn women that marriage is not really a safety thing. Also that western women always need to marry in a registrar,. not a Islamic marriage which has no security for women. It is only binding to women and leaves men freedoms to divirce her without proceedings. it deprives her of the right to alimony, and iut allows the men to have more wives.

      there is also the fact that many students may be allready married when they come aborad. And the fact that they will lie about that. And so will their friends.

      Also almost non of Saudi males realize the hardship of women’s lives in saudi arabia. if they do marry and take the girl home, they do not understand what a horribly repressed life awaits her.

  6. wannabeasaudigirl said,

    it sucks that no one ever told me this before becaus i have been with my saudi for a year now and i love him to death, nothing will change my mind about our relationship, i love him to much even if it means sacrifising everything. thats what a good saudi wife would do right?

    • NO
      A Saudi wife would be very aware of her precarious position as a wife. Marriage is not so binding for men as for women.
      A saudi wife usually has her own family as a safety net. If they are powerful they will make sure her husband keeps rto certain boundaries. meanwhile she will make sure she gets as much money as possible out of her husband to create a nest egg. a saudi husband will keep secret his assets. So the wife makes up expenses to be paid, and other reasons she needs money. She puts that money in a bankaccount. A saudi wife is very wel aware she can be dumped at any time. She can be displaced by a younger second wife. She will not get alimony.
      A sudi wife will be outwardly compliant, but underneath she will make sure she gets what she wants, and she will get as much money as possible out of her husband.
      A saudi wife will scheme. A saudi wife will be very underhand. She will get what she wants by duplicity. The culture here forces women to be like that.
      As a western woman you will look at marriage as a partnership. you cannot be more wrong in Saudi Arabia.
      Marriage is arranged and a lot of marriages are like a business contract. The wife gives sex and babies to the man. the man provides a house and food etc. but only for as long as he sees fit.
      So in case of divorce the children are prop[erty of tha man. In case of death they are property of that man’s family. You will be property of the next man in the family. He can forbid you to even leave the house, he can denie you medical care. Even if your husband is a good man, your life will never be scure.

      You seem to me to very uninformed and in a very dangerous position.
      If you have had sex with your saudi boyfriend he will probably not marry you. If he loves you to death he will not ask for sex. if he loves you to death he will be working on staying in your country right now. if he loves you to death he will have talked to his mothers and sisters. he will have introduced you over skype or telephone within three months.
      If this has not/ is not happening then you may love him all you like but he does not love you.

  7. Ana said,

    I had a muslim boyfriend a couple of months ago… he was not saudi though, he was from Kuwait, we were together for about 3 months, at first all he wanted was to have sex… but I didn’t agree with it, we probably started having sex around the end of the first month… he was okay with this…when we were together everything seemed perfect to me, I was happy and I felt he really cared about me because he was able to wait for 1 month before having sex… now that we are not together I realized he didn’t care at all,
    Also he told me everybody in his family knew about me, except for his dad; I even talked on the phone to his male cousins, But the day we broke up he told me he had to break up with me because his family discovered he had a girlfriend (non muslim) … I was surprised because he told me her mom knew about me… and now he was changing everything, he started to say his mom didn’t know about me and he was very disappointed with him. That was the main reason we broke up and that he was moving somewehere in the country, later that day I went over to his place to pick up my stuff and we agreed to continue together without telling anybody (just my bestfriends and his best friend).. so we had to put ourselves the “Single” relationship status on Facebook, delete the pictures and any kind of evidence. No phone calls, no texts unless he was all alone… However I started to feel some kind of distance, he was no longer sweet and warm with me, If i was at his place, he would be sleeping, barely noticing I was there &we stayed on this arrangement for 2 more weeks (together but not together)… and then we decided to break everything, it was just enough… however, that last day (yeah, for the second time…) I figured out that on the weekends that I wasn’t at his place or partying together… he was out with his best friend looking for other girls to have sex with. He never told me about this of course, but I managed to figure it out on the very last day…We had a fight and later that day he dropped me home.. and since then, I don’t know anything about him… just that his friends deleted me on facebook (haha like if they were upset with me… whatever was the reason… I don’t care, I never did something to hurt them so…)

    And the reason I am sharing all of this with you is to let you girls know that most of the muslim/arab students that come to America just pretend to have sex with girls so that way they feel in some way “free” … If you are trying to have a relationship with them and make it work… it pprobably won’t be a relationship that will last forever. If that’s what you want, you need to be really careful of who u date…. However I am not saying all of them are the same … just like everywhere there’s good and bad people, jerks and prince charmings :)… THE END haha

    • Thank you very much for sharing your story here. I think that a very brave thing to do.
      I hope you won’t mind if I use your story to point out the warnings. This is to help other readers, you yourself figured it out, so good for you!

      Warning bells!
      -1 He wanted to have sex immediately In Middle Eastern cultures that is a nono. Waiting a month is not that big of a deal. Waiting three years is more impressive.
      -2 He ”told” you his family knows but you only spoke to male cousins. That was a lie. If a Middle Eastern man introduces you to male family he is bragging about his girlfriend. If he really cares he will not let you talk to any male family. He will however introduce you to and let you talk to, his mother and sisters. the mother being the most important.
      -3 He changed his story. This is the point where you have to get out. With any man.
      -4 He started to act nasty to you. That makes it clear he doesn not really care. if a man really cares he will take extra care to be nice to you. Especially a man from the Middle East will want to keep in contact, even when you are apart. he will call you or tell you where he is. another sign to dump him!
      (Warning: do not confuse the care and wishing to keep contact with a mentally ill desire for control)

  8. Faye Musa said,

    i think im starting to see sense now…you opened my eyes..i would like to ask you something in private….please send ure email. jazakallah kheir

  9. my name is mine said,

    as i am aware of both sides the Western & the Middle Eastern, i can say its not fair / true to judge a whole nation or group of people like this….

    you talked about different issues including social bonds to family that the Saudis has, i think this is an advantage for them, if a person is highly appreciative of family , then this should come out in the relationship they have

    Also, for some legal obstacles how come you judge them, its a country policy that organizes the rights for both in case things went wrong,,, there is a Western country that requires their citizens in order to get a partner visa being full time employed for a period of around 2 years….. so here every nation has its way to regulate these matters.

    another thing you mentioned was Saudi girls or wives are slaves!!

    have you seen how they live, have you seen what they wear? have you seen how well educated are they? are you aware if they are happy or not of how they live?

    just think of the rate of rapes in where you live and the rate of rapes in Middle East then you will realize how those women are well PROTECTED and WELL LOOKED AFTER.

    If the goal of what you wrote is to defame the image of Saudi people then believe me this will not work unless you come with valid thoughts, you talked about those people intentions and you accused them that they are that dont speak truth and this is not logic.

    Islam allows marrying Jews and Christians and this is enough to know how Muslims respect others who are not considered to be not only from same nationality or race but even same religion

    after all, I totally disagree with you,, I lived in couple of places in Middle East and recently back to Europe,,, you are far away from truth and logic

    LOVE is the main card in relationships, give me a loving partner and i dont care about anything else… not family not religion and not nationality

    • As I said many times, Saudi men are brought up in such a way, by ther religion and society, that it is very dangerous for a western woman to trust them. I stand by that opinion. I am supported in my opinion by mu saudi husband. my hasband knows of many arabs who also marry western women in america just for the greencard. and as soon as the greencard is safe they divorce and marry a nice arab girl. he says most of the time the western women had no clue.

      my goal is to warn western woman.

    • Where I live rape is rare. And the men get punished, not the women., Women inthe middle east get raped a lot. Only mostly by family.
      Read Wafa Sultan’s book and the horrors she encountered as a doctor in the middle east.
      Marriage (if you get permission) to a saudi man end quite badly too often for the western wopman. the risk is too great.
      iin the middle east women are sub human to men.

      My goal is to bring injustuice to women to light.
      And in this post to warn western girls, who are too gullible not to trust saudi men and to be prepared that marriage is almost impossible, and to look for signs of honesty or dishonesty.

  10. A point of view said,

    I think this whole post is exaggerated. I dont think that saudi boyfriends are so dishonest or users. This can happen to women from any person of bad taste.
    Saudi men have a heart and brain and can judge well- in addition the new generation are really good material, with much less prejudice than people in their mid 40’s or 50’s that grew up with very different views.
    I have many examples that the Saudi boyfriends stood up to their word and honoured and married their girlfriends and sex or not as many put it was not the measure of their choice- it was the person.

    And to be honest- they would also marry their Saudi girlfriends if they were convinced, but even if they are convinced it is the right girl, they usually get rejected by the girls parents who usually interfere in their daughters plans.

    • Tell that the the scores of hones loving guirls they lied to and cheerfully left, with or without baby on the way.
      Please, try to explain your view to all their victims.

      And youve got to be joking? |Saudi men under 35 cannot get permission to marry a foreigner. And they know it. Saudi over 35 have to use ummense wasta and huge bribes and even then might not get permission. And if they marry it is the SAUDI family who tries up to break the marriage so that the man is free to marry a good saudi girl.

      And even if a couple of parents manage to interfere in their daughter’s plan to marry a Saudi they are probably right to do so.

  11. AlNimsa said,

    A few years ago, i met a young Saudi man. Very soon we became a couple. After one month he had to return to Saudi Arabia.
    Unfortunately we lost contact.
    Half an year ago, I got his phone number. During the time without contact (3 years!!!!), I waited for him. I didn´t date other men, and compared all men with him. No men was better than him.

    But now I am not so sure, if he is the rigth for me.

    1) Most of the time, I have to phone him, he almost never calls me.
    2) He let his best friend talk to me on the phone.
    3) He wants me to come to Saudi Arabia.
    4) He doen´t want to visit me in my country, Austria/ Europe
    5) He never really answeres my questions ( but talking in a direct way is not arabian, isn´t it? )

    I know just little about him. He is from Jeddah, but I don´t know if he has a bedoin background. I know nothing about his family – just that he has 5 brothers and 1 sister

    I love him very much ( hey I waited 3 years) and, still see my future with him, but slowly I begin to realze that he migth is not as good as I think of him.

    • I don’t see a future.
      1 Any man who loves you would not wait until you called, he would be on the phone every day himself.
      2 He is showing off his western whore to his friend and lets him borrow you so the friend can boast of having talked to this western hussy
      3 he knows very well you cannot ”come to Saudi Arabia” it’s not a tourist destination. Especially single women will never get a visa And what are you to do there? where are you to stay? You cannot talk to him in saudi. You would be arrested, and he would get off lightly but you could be imprisined tortured and thrown out. He knows all this.
      4 He is a pig.
      5 No, he just never answers your questions.

      He has no decent plans for you. He does not love you. He is using you even from afar. You really deserve better than this.
      You are loving an image in your mind. WHatever you are loving it is not this person.
      Do you love somebody who lies to you? Who uses you? who ”lends you out” to his best friend? Who would bring you into great danger? Who does not answer your questions?
      Do you really love this man? Or do you ahve an image you would like him to be and you love that?
      This man seems in no way a lovable person from your own description.

  12. Christy said,

    It pains me to hear this stuff…I have a saudi boyfriend now….and I know I should leave him….our differences are enormous!….culturally and religiously….but i am definitely in love with him…..I know that he will one day have to return home, and marry his kind….but deep down I have hope that maybe this Saudi might be different…..I like to consider myself an optimist…hopefully I will be that exception……if not i’m sure God will give me the strength to endure the heart break…..

    • The heartbreak will come anyway. UNless you just want a bit of fun with no strings attached you should not get involved with a saudi.
      And if he’s sincere, well i have written lots of posts with the things he does if he’s sincere. And what he doies if he just wants to use you for sex.

      Make up your mind if he is honest, otherwise take care of yourself and be honest. Don’t fool yourself.

  13. Barbara said,

    I am in Saudi Arabia. I fell fast and hard for a Mohammed. I knew him less than a month when he stole a kiss in his car. He asked me if I wanted to meet his friends. He asked me if I would “spend time with him” at his friends apartment. he wanted to take me to Dubai. He called me his queen and told me he loved me.

    Here, I would be flogged and sent out of the country if found to have “spent time” in that apartment. I now realize how insulting he wanted to introduce me to his friends. It is Ramadan. He won’t talk with me on the phone or see me after break fast. But he texts me about feeling very desiring for me when fasting.

    I broke off with him. My heart hurts. Some days, I’m nearly dysfunctional. But, I am glad I found this site. I know to stay away. And, if/when he comes a calling after end of Ramadan, I have to be strong and ignore his calls. wish my heart didn’t hurt so.

    • I think you did the right thing. Some very very bad things could have happened if you had met him and ”his friends” in an appartment?!?!??? Can I advice everybody who reads this never to go in for such an invitation?
      Like, nowhere on the planet?
      And Dubai? Don’t ever go to Dubai with a Saudi man unless you are married to him. Or male.
      Anyway. In KSA you would ahve been imprisoned, tortured and thrown outif you would have been found out. And not much would have happend to the louse. And he would be very aware of the danger, especially for you.
      And any Saudi who wants to introduce you to his friends does not love you or see you as a serious prospect. At the best he would have bragged about his little whore, at the worst they would ahve taken turns at you.
      This man has no feeling for you. He does not love you, he only wants to use you.
      He is an utter louse!
      And he is desiring a bit of booty while fasting! He is a bad Muslim too!

      Your heart shouldn’t hurt. You should be proud of yourself, you did the right thing. You were not a louse in how you treated others, you were fair and honest. STOP YOUR HEART FROM HURTING, your heart is fooling itself, it is loving an imginary person. this guy is a liar and he doesn’\t even care for your safety.
      See this guy for what he really is: a selfish man. A liar. A man who has no compulsion bringing you into very great danger. A man who might have a plan to gang rape you with his friends. A man who does not love you, This is not a man to love????

      Don’t respond to him ever again. Don’t talk to him on the phone, don’t answer his mails, block his mail address, never talk to him again! You are worth a lot more, there is a man in store for you who is worthy of you. And that is not this louse!

  14. Rachel said,

    I would like to ask you something in private, as well. If you don’t mind and have the time would it be possible to email you?

    • I have not been able to be online. If you still want to talk go to the contact page and write me a mail, thank you

  15. KELLY A said,

    i am in the process of a divorce from a saudi man god help me i hate him so much for the humiliations i suffered from him

    • I am sorry to hear this. Did you have a registrar wedding?
      The best revenge you can get is to get out of this and be very happy without him for the rest of your life!
      Would you like to share your story?

  16. Argus said,

    It’s frightening. My wife got the Dvd “Not Without My Daughter” but I’ve never watched it. Now, I shall.

    Sadly I don’t think you are going to save many …

  17. S R said,

    your marriage is probably failing and you are desperately trying to convince yourself and everyone it is because you are engaged to a Saudi. Expressing “god knows what” emotional issues you might be facing in the form of anger and haters towards everyone else will not do you any good. Even though you didn’t explicitly mention it,your post implies some sort of “regret” feeling of marrying “an exceptional” Saudi. Please, don’t generalize as everyone’s experience differ from one another.

    Let alone the fact that NONE of what you mentioned is true, but you kept talking about the government laws, affairs and the culture as if the whole concept of marriage isn’t based on love. You are marrying the guy because you intimately in love with him regardless of his race, culture, or even religion.

    The other thing is that what you wrote about the country is not true at all. it is all exaggeration. I live in Saudi and I find it very lay-back, calm, and spiritual to some degree. The citizens are generous, friendly and welcoming. In fact, I met most of my best friends in here. The ladies go out and have fun. There are a lot of good shopping centers, cafes, and so many places just like in the states . I mean yes the country is a bit conservative but not in the image you trying to draw here, not even close.

    If you isolate yourself from society and keep a distance between yourself and the locals, you will eventually hate it regardless of where you live. Then you start blaming everyone for something you should be blamed for “It is not the society, it is you”

    One last thing which I find hard to believe but lets assume what you claimed being blessed having married “an exceptional” Saudi is true, why don’t you share your story with the rest of us? The reason I ask because I would like to know the tiny little details that might be helpful to me and others as advice to a successful marriage to a Saudi. And what makes you think that only you can make it but no others ?

    • not at all, my marriage is steaming since many years.
      but that is the exeption. this post is written because \i need something to refer all the many, many, many women to who write to me and have been treated very badly by saudis.
      everything i wrote is true and happens all the time.

      I find saudi not spiritual at all. everything is fake here and so is religion and spirituality. everything is just a screen to fool what happens behind it. Nothing is real here. especially not spirituality.
      Jeddah is an expetion where ther is a semblance of normal life. But even here there are now more muttawas about. they now have access to resorts. all they do is look at women and harass them. Saudi arabia is like a prison for women, but that is not enough. You are constantly bother by mad men as a woman.

      what makes my marriage exceptional? the fact that my husband is an honest man. He never lied to me. He doesn’t care a bit about what his family thinks. He stands up for me first. Before family. He makes a lot of money. that is important in saudi. He lets me go where I want.
      All the women who write to me because they have been lied to by saudi boys have the same story. I wrote in my posts the points. Women need to know that most saudi men will dump them when it is time to go home or when they get pregnant. Same with a friend from Kuwait, she was proposed to by a saudi man and we found out he was already married; he lied to her about tha she would ahve been a second wife. This lying and decieving is too common in saudi men to ignore. And it would be dishonorable not to warn women about them.

  18. Sandy said,

    The ladies that go out and have fun -are the ones whose guardians LET them. There are many many you will never meet because they are not allowed. I NEVER forget that though I live a pretty normal life with freedom of movement etc. the law does not support that unless my husband (father, brother, son ) does. Every woman has a man who can control her should he chose. Just because you have a good man in charge of you doesn’t mean you should pretend the other women are not in a difficult place. You should speak up for them. You are the lucky one, speak up for them- don’t pretend it isn’t bad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: